Disclaimer : Its a long short story to be narrated in installments. And there are far too many emotions. Any emotional turmoil you face is your own problem. Dont blame me! Read at your risk
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Once upon a time, Lalaji (luSTy lala) opened a shop. It was not a round the corner mom and pop store. It was the modern age retail shop aimed to serve only the high end customers. They had customers from all high-end colonies. Lalaji had a grand vision. He wanted to create a world known store with the best possible staff. Thank you come again!
He bought land for the shop, got the woodwork done, created the infrastructure. He went to kaminabad and hired some people he had worked with earlier. At other kirana shops. These were all great people. Bhery smart. Bhery Bhery intelligent. As intelligent as they come. All in black coats and blue ties and starched collars. With a constipated smile and vicious eyes!
Lalaji loved talking. He talked a lot. He hired more smart people from our own buddhupura and talked to them. Talked them into believing in him. They believed in him. Buddhupura, of course!
Lala found himself a chota lala (choteLAL), and a munimji (Chiman Sallu). choteLAL was the great mind behind the success of the store. Chiman Sallu was the executioner. choteLAL said – Lets hire some people to clean the store, man the counters, put the labels. Chiman Sallu said- Ok! Alright!! Ok!!! Will do!!!!
Chiman Sallu hired some people. A good lot. They worked well together. All of them. Even Chiman Sallu was having fun. And maybe, Chiman Sallu was trying to create his own army of pakias, yeda annas and munna mobiles. In the end they were all chotus and pappus. Chota pappu, mota pappu, chota mota pappu! And what was I doing there? I was the Chotu Chaiwala. Every lala shop needs chai every few hours. I was doing good satisfying work and making money for myself. And a few peanuts for my monkeys too!
While you absorb all this, answer this puzzle -
Pappu ke do aage pappu, pappu ke do piche pappu, aage pappu, piche pappu, bolo kitne pappu???
The do here is not “two”. The do here is give/put. Put pappus in front of pappu. Put pappus behind pappu. Put Pappus in front of and behind Pappu. Tell me how many Pappus in total?
The answer ranges from 7 to 100.
They all used to call him (Munimji) Sardar. Quite like Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel who would build the foundation of a new nation. Quite unlike Paresh Rawal whose portrayal of the Sardar bombed at the box office. But that’s a matter of perception. And behind every great story, there was Munimji. Sardar khush hota tha. Sardar shabashi bhee deta tha.
Initially, they (pepool) were 7 of them. One for each weekday. Then they hired a few more. Averages went up. Business seemed to be doing well. luSTy’s vision was paying off! Not so soon baby, Not so soon!!
luSTy was seeing all this. choteLAL too! They said to themselves – “Itne se mera kya hoga!!” “Aur mere liye?” in true Jalal Agha style. And they laughed like Gabbar – “Ye haath humko de de thakur”. They needed a hand for taking the dream to the next level. Its only coincidental that Jalal Agha was the one singing Mehbooba Mehbooba in front of Gabbar, before Himesh decided to eat air!
Chiman Sallu came forth. He powered the dream. Every day and every hour, I have got the Visa Power. Go get it (in tendulkar’s booming voice). Chiman believed LuSTy and ChoteLAL. He tried making others believe them. They all believed each other. Even candy-floss Hum Saath Saath Hain would have been put to shame at the sweetness of the moment. They surged. They worked days. They worked nights. Before they realized, they became an army. An army of ants waiting to be crushed. There were more workers than work. But they stuck together. Oh! It was just waiting to become a great Indian retail story! Success was just around the corner.
As Charles Dickens said at the beginning of A Tale of Two Cities – “IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”
Success turned out to be that pretty girl you are sure is going to say yes to your marriage proposal. Its just that she has other plans! She believes in a one-night stand. Move out before you get serious kinds!
And then, on a summer night, everything changed. People were working the days, and were working the nights. And the night brought a dream. A nightmare. A Mid-summer night’s dream – a romantic comedy*
In the dream, they all had a conversation. LuSTy lala was sitting on the chaupal, faring his moustache and smoking from his Hukka. The sound of hukka’s gurgurahat was filling the silence. Innocent and pitiable villagers full of all kinds of pappus listened on. LuSTy coughed. He put the hukka pipe aside.
luSTy lala said – You know guys! We are a great team. We have come a long way. We need more money to make the dream come true. We will join hands with Badelal who will come help us. They have their own army of Pakias and Ratan Dholakias.
Peepool Said – But we like your working style lalaji. Naya babu aayega to pata nahi kaise kaam karwayega. Tankhwaah dega bhi ki nahi. (Don’t know what kind of work will the New Lala ask us to do. Don’t know if he will pay our salaries)
Are. Bilkul dega. Sabaashi bhi dega. Badelal bade ache maati ke lal hain. (Of course he will. Badelal is a true son of the soil. He will appreciate your presence also!)
Par Lalaji. Kahin aisa to nahi ki aap humein chod ke ja rahe hain. (Lalaji. You aren’t going to leave us astray. Right?)
Bilkul Nahi. Raam raam! Kaisi anargal baate karte ho chote pappu. Yahi karan hai kit um humesha chote pappu rahoge! (C’mon Guys! What are you saying? This is the reason why you guys will never grow up!). Moron would have said – I really don’t know where he was looking when he was saying that
Par maalik. Dar to lagta hai na. jab tak aap mai baap the, sab samajh aata tha. Aap angreji bolte ho. Comfortabul lang-veg hai. Naye malik pata nahi kaun si bolenge. Kahan kahan se bolenge! (We have a right to be scared lalaji. Till the time you were driving things, we understood everything. You spoke English. Comfortable language. New lalaji, dunno what all he will say. From where all he will say!)
Are bhai choteLAL. Inhe samjhao. Ye sab hum inki bhalai ke liye hi kar rahe hain! (choteLAL, why don’t you try explaining them what’s happening. We are doing this for their benefit only. Its for the company’s benefit)
choteLAL said, in his calm composed leader style – Guys. I can understand what you guys are thinking. But LuSTy is committed. So am I. Ask Chiman also. It’s a great road ahead. And if you stay on, you will be suitably rewarded. We all will be.
Littil did peepul realize that rewards are meant only for stakeholders. And chotu chaiwala, chota pappu, and munna marjania are not stakeholders. There bhill alwayj be a solid difference between labor class and the kingship. Funny dumb peepul, I tell you!
What happened after that, you ask me? I will tell you. Let me catch some breath here.
But here is the last para of my story I tell you – Chotu Chaiwala watched the smoke go up, and mix itself with the ever increasing pollution levels of the city. His chai ka bartan was getting burnt. There was a smell of burning milk. LuSTy was looking at his computer screen and was laughing lustily. Chiman was motivating the beaten army. choteLAL continued serving the customers, with a glint in his eyes! Chota pappu and munna marjania were not to be seen anywhere. Pappu passed away. (Pappu pass ho gaya!)
Heh! Quite a bit of suspense, right? Matki kyon phooti? Vimla kyon roothi? Kyonki Dono hi kache the! I tell you. It’s a potboiler!
p.s. Don’t ask me funny questions like is this based on a real life story! Of course not. All stories are a work of fiction. People just use their own life experiences to create fiction.
* A Midsummer Night’s Dream is a romantic comedy by William Shakespeare written sometime in the 1590s. It portrays the adventures of four young Athenian lovers and a group of amateur actors, their interactions with the Duke and Duchess of Athens, Theseus and Hippolyta, and with fairies who inhabit a moonlit forest. (Source : Wikipedia)
Conversing here..